|
Post by Skye Spyder on Jun 29, 2015 1:27:09 GMT -5
It took him by surprise. Feeling those phantom hands in the dark again. His eyes. shot open, heart pounding. The ugly memory making his stomach churn.
Sitting up he swung his legs over the side of the bed and stared out the window to the dock. He took a few deep breaths to calm himself. A sigh passed his lips as he put his head in his hands. Mentally he walked through how long ago it was and that he was fine now. Far away and he'd never have to face that again.
It took a few minutes but he relaxed again, listening to the water and feeling the gentle push and pull of waves on the hull helped. He realized now that it was so much easier to get past the random moments like this. They didn't arise as often either. He was getting better and better at seeing past those dark days; not dwelling in them.
He put the past behind himself almost easily now. It was such a relief.
It was only now in fact when he thought on it that he realized he wasn't afraid anymore. That his skin didn't craw when someone touched him. He was no longer so guarded nor did he feel the urge to hide behind high walls.
He thanked Tavi and D' and Angelina. Laura too. It was them more than his shrink that helped him. He wished he could convey that to them effectively. He felt like they'd saved him; somehow pulled him out of the darkness until he could stand alone in the light. He owed the strength he found to fight his demons to them.
Not able to think of anything to do out in the middle of the ocean... he picked up a pen and stack of wrinkled, waterlogged paper and wrote about it as a beat started in his head.
|
|
|
Post by Midnightsunprotector on Jul 7, 2015 11:54:00 GMT -5
Her dreams usually were one of two recurring dream. The first was of her being out in the open waves pulling and pushing her. And the pull is stronger than the pull and before she knows it she is in the deep sea the shore keeps getting farther and farther away. Then familiar faces and some she can't recall just stare at her for a bried moment. As if realizing that she is struggling to he back a shore. But one by one they start to talk amongst each other. And the waves keep pulling her outsider into the vast open sea. Until she can't see them. And shes all alone no scream that she shouts or how hard she true to swim back she doesn't move. She just stays there like her body is just lay in perfectly still.
But that isn't the dream she is having. No its the one that she wakes up with tears in her eyes and her heart feels like it will explode out of her chest. She is walking in her fathers huge home. Just taking in the wallpapered walls,oil paintings and marble floor. After the second hallway she sees her father dressed proper with a long sleeved white shirt a dark gray vest over top and pants to match. Both of his hands in his pockets as he had his back to her. And everytime she tries to come up and see his face he would turn so she couldn't after walking around her father and having him hide his face she gets frustrated and pulls on his shoulder and she finally sees his fave but he is looking down to his feet never looking up. She always feels mixed emotions never really knowing what to say to get the answer she needed to know. "Why did you leave us?" He sighed and glanced up looking past her. "Its nothing personal". She bit her lip out of frustration. "The hell it is! Why did you leave us? Was there another family?!?! Were we to boring for you!?!?" He shook his head looking opposite of her "Laurabug i-" "Don't call me that and just answer the question" "It was just business" Oh no..not this again her heart sank and she took a stumbling step backwards. And he looked at her finally making eye contact. "You understand now don't you? your mother wasn't as lucky as you. She has to see your face to remember what shouldn't have been" She kept walking backwards away from him and then falls on her ass. And she placed both hands on either either of her ears. But it didn't matter she could still hear him. "Shut up that's not fucking true. You loved mom" "Are you sure? Did I love her...or you?" "Yes you must have...you were there when I was born there's pictures! I have your last name" "You have your mothers as well. And Laura you need to stop playing the victim. You know why I left. You just don't want to admit it. Your the reason. Not your mother. You told me you hated me being gone for so long and said why don't I make it permanent. So I did. You only have yourself to blame. And it seems it a recurring thing. Me,Octavio and now Carlino. Wonder how Long he is going to last before you push him away. Your unlockable Laura. Just accept that your meant to be alone just like your mother"
Her heart was pounding hard against he4 chest and she couldnt believe it this can't be true. And then right on cue she sat up from the bed with a gasp and she just looked around seeing the bed empty. Her mind was else where to even wonder where he was. Instead she wiped her tears away and stood up. Walking outside the wind blew and she inhaled the salty air.Looking out to the horizon she could see the sun was going to be out soon how the color started to be brighter where the sky and ocean met. Wait...they never did touch do they? They just seem to...sounds like her life. Would it ever change? She pulled her necklace off from around her neck the chain snapping as she held it in her hands. A ladybug with her name on its stomach. Why did she wear this. Why did she keep this for so long. She took another deep breath took a few steps back throwing her arms back and then she threw her arm forward with a few steps back forward for extra momentum and opened her palm as she pressed her stomach on the back of the boat. Watching the shimmering silver chain fly and then splash into the ocean.
|
|
|
Post by Skye Spyder on Jul 7, 2015 14:07:20 GMT -5
Carlino startled as Laura shot straight up from the bed, blue eyes wide he froze in place; hand hovering over the papers on his lap. He opened his mouth the see if she was okay but she rushed from the room. Concerned he tossed the papers in a stack on the floor then the pen and got up to go after her, pulling on a pair of jeans along the way. Knowing she wasn't one to be so emotional he followed with caution. Whatever was on her mind was big.
He'd paused in the doorway to the living area, leaning on the door frame as he watched her chuck the necklace he'd never seen her without into the ocean. Brows drawing together he pushed off the frame and stepped up behind her, arms wrapping around her waist as he rested his chin on her shoulder. "What was all that about?" He questioned, voice still rough from sleep. "I've never seen you without that thing." He nuzzled into the crook of her neck before placing a gentle kiss there.
|
|
|
Post by Midnightsunprotector on Jul 8, 2015 11:23:45 GMT -5
As the shimmering of the change blended in with that of the waves she felt a huge weight lifted off her shoulders. Why she didn't do that sooner was beyond her. She took a kond deep breath and felt arms wrap around her waist and a chin rest on her shoulder. She placed her hand over his and sighed when he asked her a question.His voice rough meaning he must've just woke up himself too. "It's time for me to stop looking back and look at whats ahead." She smiled with the kiss he left on her neck. "I'll find something worth wearing soon enough.Why are you up so early? Did you sleep well?" She turned her face so she could see him.Her fingers running over his arm loving the way she felt withing his hold.
|
|
|
Post by Skye Spyder on Jul 22, 2015 12:51:32 GMT -5
Threading his fingers through her's he nodded. "Sounds good." Placing another kiss to her neck and shoulder he straightened before stretching. Pulling his arms up over his head, sighing and yawning, he pulled her close through their connected hands. "I slept... good enough." Again he wrapped his arms around her, this time lowering his head to rest on her's, bright eyes locking onto her's sleepily. "Feel like fishing for breakfast?" He paused, smirk forming on his face. "Or nah?"
|
|
|
Post by Midnightsunprotector on Jul 25, 2015 11:56:45 GMT -5
She smiled at his voice and touch. She made a vow to her we that she wasn't going to let her past rules her life. Not now not ever..not anymore as of today. She had to focus on herself and him. And this moment she smiled at what he said and let out a small laugh. And turned her fav to kiss his cheek just staring at him for a few seconds. "Yeah let's fish our breakfast.Oh but Carlino I have a very serious question to ask" She turned around facing him and running her fingers through his messy hairshe loved. "Do you love me?" She leaned in and kissed his nose and pulled away smiling wide "or Naaah?~"
|
|
|
Post by Skye Spyder on Jul 26, 2015 20:22:07 GMT -5
He smiled as he watched her, following the form of her face; eyes, nose, lips. Breathing deeply he sighed in content, looking out over the waves to that distant place were the sky and water met and became one and the same. Now he was starting to get why Rosie liked that place. She had mentioned to him once that the horizon line where the water and sea met was her parents. He didn't get it then but now he understood. He wanted something like that. Someday. He turned his head as he caught her staring at him and tilted his head at her. "What is i-" He sucked in a breath like he'd been punched in the gut, chest tightening as a knot of dread formed in the pit of his stomach.
He wasn't sure if she was joking or not. Dark brows drew down over his eyes, lips pulling down at the corners. His heart fluttered like a trapped bird, butterflies dancing in his stomach making the knot worse. 'Oh God what the fuck is that?' he shook his head, all but bolting to get as far from her as possible. He slipped into the bathroom then locked the door. Backing away from the wooden panels he ran his hands roughly through his hair, pulling at the ends. His back hit the far wall and he slid down into a couch. Taking a deep breath he tried to calm his nerves but failed. His hands shook, heart still beating wildly. 'What the fuck is this?' He turned to the mirror and stared at himself. "What's wrong with me?"
Her words replayed in his head and it took all he had not to throw up. His stomach clenched, bile threatening to rise again. Shaking his head he took a few measured breaths. 'The hell is wrong with me? What the hell is wrong with me?'
|
|
|
Post by Midnightsunprotector on Jul 27, 2015 1:37:48 GMT -5
He left her grip like she was acid and the horror in his face was that of seeing a ghost. For a fraction of a second she feared that her dream. The words that her father had said were true. But a bigger part of her pushed that aside and followed him into the boat and searched until she came up to the door and faintly heard him speak to himself. God Damn what the hell was wrong with her. She should just stay to herself and just like that there was a feeling of reassurance as she stared at the door.And heard the fast paced breathing. That she knew all to well where he was going. And unlike herself. He was going to have someone there. How she needed. She knocked on the door and spoke "Carlino I'm opening the door"
As she did just that he took only pme step forward and just read his body language and then tried to get his attention he was Half there. God how she knew this all too fucking well. "Hey" She said her voice low and gentle. "Its me And I'm sorry. Whatever I did and or said I am sorry. Please know that I am here and I will be ready to speak with you about...Oh....It's not you. There is nothing wrong with you. Whatever your thinking whatever your blaming yourself for its not your fault. So dont try to blame yourself or...just... I'm so fucking sorry. I just always seem to..." Her breath was uneven and her voice changed pitch. It was pretty damn obvious her emotions her spilling through the cracks and she hated it. "I'll just..keep this door open I'll be on the balcony You got your privacy". She turned around quick and headed to the balcony. This couldn't be happening again. Fucking dream was an omen. And what was she to expect a happyly ever fucking after. This wasn't a book this was real life there was no such thing as a happy ending.
|
|
|
Post by Skye Spyder on Aug 4, 2015 22:09:46 GMT -5
He froze as she entered, not having heard her speak or the door open. He wanted to say something but nothing would come out. The more she spoke the more he felt guilty and wanted whatever this was to stop. Where was this coming from? Feeling like an elephant was sitting on his chest he tried to pull in a few deep breaths but couldn't quite shake whatever had a hold of him.
Turning to avoid his reflection he bounced up and down, as if he could physically shake it off. It worked a little. Carlino clasped his hands together in front of his face and squeezed his eyes shut, mentally talking himself down from... was this a panic attack? Anxiety? What? "Get it together, asshole." Giving his head another hard shake to clear it he turned to face the mirror again. The answer slammed into him when the world shifted for a spit second and the words came back to him clear as day. 'Do you love me? I love you.' Blinking a few times he stepped back, shifting his gaze to the side so he wouldn't have to look at himself. 'Shit. Why the fuck did that pop up?'
Feeling more like a dick than ever he closed his eyes and blew out a long breath. 'Shit. Get it the fuck together. What's wrong with you? Don't be a little bitch.' Running a hand over his face he opened his eyes again and let his gaze shift to the open door. Biting his lip he debated avoiding going to see her or waiting until they happened to bump into each other again. It wasn't a long deliberation as the more he stood there the more he aware of his reflection he was feeling.
Letting go of the death grip he'd had on the sink he stepped out and made his legs carry him to the balcony. He didn't know how he was going to explain the freak out but he felt like he had to say something. She probably though he was commitment phobic or something. Which was far from the case... well maybe not, but he certainly wouldn't have went mental breakdown from it if... Maybe that fucking dream left him with some weird PTSD or something. Whatever all that mess was he stepped up beside her and laid his hands on the railing, again looking out over the ocean. "I uh... Sorry about that..."
|
|
|
Post by Midnightsunprotector on Aug 5, 2015 12:09:49 GMT -5
She paced outside the wind blowing her hair in every direction imaginable. Thousands of insecure and all too familiar questions and statements circling her head. 'Why do you expect it to be different?' 'Did you really expect to be more than a fuck buddy?' -shut up- She told herself mentally. 'Laura no one will ever love you. Why do you want it so badly? Is it to prove to yourself that something was wrong with tour father and not you? Well bingo tou got your answer its you&always will be you! Now lets look at your price...' -That's not true there is nothing wrong with me. I just...I...I Fuck- She stopped in mid pace. Feeling light headed she turned to face the ocean and gripped to the bars like her life depended on it. God whatever she had triggered was her fault and the worst part is that she feels helpless. He needs...something and she doesnt know what it is. And her going in there and well snapping in a sense and being impatient wasn't it. And definitely...fuck who was she kidding. Maybe she should just focus on herself.God knows how she hasn't done that at all. Unless you include the liberation from her past through the necklace. 'I hope you know that your daddy issues aren't hone cause you tossed that hunk of metal into the sea. Its still in here'. She let go of her death grip and ran her fingers through her hair trying to calm herself down.As that big piece of fact hadn't hit her till just now. Had she really thought that all her worries&fears had been attached to that silver chain and now it rest with the sea? God it sure made her breathe easier when she thought that was the truth. But why? Was it cause not having it will make her a better person? Ignoring how she feels and what she remebers makes it invisible? Or rather out of sight out of mind? Shit why was her heart racing? And her hands sweaty. She stopped running her hands through her hair repeatedly and gripped the bar again. Her mother god her mother is a saint. And strong Laura envys that. She prays to have an ounce of her strength cause maybe things wouldn't seem as unbearable or hopeless if she did.
A memory came to mind she was younger&Mei was in the kitchen cooking dinner for the norm. Something had been bothering her&she finally decided to ask her. "Mama I wanted to know...How...how...what do you do when things are difficult?" Mei paused what she was doing setting the heat to a simmer&turned to face her. "Laura why does the Lotus flower only bloom in mud?" She stared at her mom dumbfounded. Not realy knowingthe answer or where she was going with this. All she could do was shrug. And then her mother spoke "A lotus flower begins growing at the bottom of a muddy, murky pool, and slowly emerges toward the surface, bursting out of the water into a beautiful blossom. During the night the lotus closes and sinks under the water, and emerges again with the sunlight of a new day.Its stem is flexible but does not break. As the lotus flower emerges from the mud, and up toward the surface it is completely unstained." Laura stared at her mom speechless letting what she said sink in. As a smile came up on her lips. Mei continued to speak "The lotus in the mud symbolizes the hardships and difficulties of life, or a challenging time we have faced or are facing. As with the stem growing toward the surface, we also grow through our experiences, through our difficulties, learning lessons along the way, removing obstacles and overcoming our adversities. As the petals unfold, we too unfold, and become like a lotus rising from the murky waters and flowering into something beautiful. Its open blossom stands for enlightenment". Laura stood up and walked around the counter and Huggedher mom. Holding her as at that moment moment felt at peace and clean minded. Looking out at the see she eased her grip on the bar and sighing. She found her answer and knew what she had to do for herself. She turned her head not realizing Carlino had joined her. "There's nothing to be sorry about. I'm sorry for what I said that...yeah. I'm getting a tattoo". She smiled as she stared out into the sea. All the thoughts her past all of it not lingering over her head. Or building up as baggage on her shoulder. She actually felt free and at peace. And she was going to make sure it stays that way.
|
|